Masking and the hidden Labor Autistic people carry every day 

Masking is one of those things many autistic people learn long before they know the word for it. It isn’t taught in the classroom or outlined in a handbook- it is something that we absorb from years of being told, directly or indirectly, that our natural behaviors are ” too much” or ” too different.” Masking is the quiet, constant work of adjusting ourselves to fit into social spaces that were never designed with neurodivergent  people in mind.  

What masking actually looks like! 

Masking can be as subtle as forcing eye contact when it feels uncomfortable or suppressing a stim because someone might stare at me. It can mean rehearsing conversations before they happen, mimicking social cues that  do not come naturally, or holding back natural responses in favor of what people are expecting to hear. Camouflaging goes even deeper, its the art of blending in, studying how others speak or react, and building a social character that we can use in the public. people like me feel as if they are a misfit due to the labels that others have put on us. 

For many people like me this starts in childhood. You learn quickly that smiling at the right time earns praise. For me personally I was told at a young age to turn down my excitement for the benefits of other people around me. The absolute truth is that these people just don’t know how to accept the highness of an autistic child’s excitement and how I expressed it at the time. People like me also learned that hiding our anxiousness  makes adults ” less concerned,” and that sitting still- even when your body is internally screaming to move- keeps me out of trouble. These small lessons add up to a survival strategy. 

Why autistic people feel the need to mask 

Most Autistic people don’t mask because deep down they wish they were someone else. I mask to avoid judgement, misunderstanding, or being labeled rude or strange. We mask to stay safe in environments where standing out can lead to exclusion. At work or school, we mask because showing our natural selves can mean being underestimated, overlooked, or seen as incapable. 

Masking is not about hiding for fun- it’s about navigating a world where unspoken rules are treated as necessities, and where neurotypical behavior is the default expectation. 

The emotional toll NO ONE talks about. 

Masking is exhausting. It is like being in a play that never ends, where you memorize your lines and cues but no one hands you the script.  After a full day of ” performing,” many autistic people come home and collapse emotionally, mentally, or physically. This fatigue is NOT laziness; it’s the cosy of constant self monitoring. 

Over time, masking can lead to: 

• Autistic Burnout  
• Identity confusion ( ” who am I when I’m not pretending?”) 
• Anxiety and depression 
• A sense of invisibility  or loneliness 
• Feeling misunderstood even when you seem socially successful 

Why talking about masking matters

This is by far one of the harder expiriences to talk about. This is not me complaining at all. It is all about raising awareness of a form of mental labor that most people do not see. It is about reminding autistic people that they are not alone in this journey. it is about reminding others that acceptance is not just about tolerance; it’s about making space for people to exist authentically. 

Masking helped many of us survive, but it shouldn’t be the only way we’re allowed to exist. When we talk about it openly, we create a world where autistic people don’t have to choose between safety and selfhood.